


"You killed her."

by Luce_cm



Series: "It's all Lies, Darling" Universe [2]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Help, Nightmares, One-Shot, idk how to tag, pls, related to chapter 40
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2019-06-13 18:47:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15371004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luce_cm/pseuds/Luce_cm
Summary: This is a small one-shot I have had lying around for a while. It takes place around chapter 39-40 of It's All Lies, Darling.From Bucky's PoV, depicts Elena's first contact with him, and shows a little bit of his life on the run and his memories.





	"You killed her."

He wakes up, unable to scream, unable to sit up the bed. Unable to move.

He can't move, he can't show them he's alive under the drugs, under the procedures and the words. He can't show them, because they will take it all away. He has learned it the hard way.

So he has conditioned his body to remain still, only a change in his breathing that they are not monitoring either way could give away his state, could give away his thoughts, his memories.

His nightmares.

_Natalia's big blood-shot eyes stare up at him, small hands clenched into fists and voice cracking over a name he knows he shouldn't remember._

“ _You killed her! You promised you wouldn't but you killed her!”_

_He tried denying it, tries shaking his head, telling the girl that no, he wouldn't do that, he-_

_He loves her_

_...right?_

_Yes, of course he does. Of course he does, he remembers. He doesn't remember her name, or why she's not here, or why it hurts to think of her, but he knows he loves her._

_They can't take that away, not yet._

_No. Not ever, he corrects himself, he still has to do that somehow. Has to keep these little reminders about what's real and what is not._

_Meanwhile, the red-headed girl's eyes pool with tears as she grows impatient, angry._

“ _You don't even remember, do you? You don't remember that you killed my sister!”_

_He tries shaking his head, but the braces are again around his arms, the machine is starting up, he can hear the engine. And he can't move._

_Why are they doing this? He...he pretended, like she told him to. They weren't supposed to do this. What did he do wrong?_

_Why isn't she here?_

_Natalia towers over him, the voice of the kid_ she _called a sister, but its the woman with the man in the shield the one that looks down on him with disgust on her face._

“ _She isn't here because you killed her. You poisoned her and left her to die, alone. She isn't here because you are a monster, and you killed her.”_

_He feels the last brace be set around his head, kipping him in place before they start the electricity will start running through his body, taking the last thing he can control away from him._

“ _You killed her. You killed her and if you forget everything else, you better remember that, you monster.”_

He moves slowly, sitting up on the bed and assessing his surroundings. Of course, it's the apartment in...Romania, is it? Running for so long takes away identities, even from cities and countries.

Squeezing his eyes shut against the throbbing pain in his head, he tries to forget the girl's voice. He tries to forget his hands injecting poison into _her_ , he tries to forget how the man with the dark hair told him how she was dead, and how she died screaming.

Trembling fingers reach for the notebook he always keeps nearby, opening on a random blank page and trying to write down what he remembers, before it's all gone again.

Her eyes, he remembers her eyes. They gave her away. Yes, he remembers telling her that too, and how she would stick her tongue out playfully, even though a smile teased her red, red lips.

He remembers that too, those red, red lips have been haunting him for years now.

Suddenly, he is brought back to the real world, away form his memories, by a buzzing sound coming from the radio in his room. The soldier grips the knife under his pillow with a white-knuckled fist, reaching for the gun near the cupboards as a voice starts speaking.

“Hello? Sargeant Barnes, I hope you can hear me.”

He squints his eyes at the device, remaining silent as he toys with the knife, no longer reaching for the handgun but keeping his body tense, ready t fight back if needed. The voice continues.

“I can't hear you, so you don't have to talk. I-I just need...I need your help. You may choose not to believe me, o-or not to trust me and that's okay, but if you ever trusted Anya Ludkov, if you remember what she once meant to you, I ask you to please get out of the city, and board a plane to the location I will be forwarding you at the Sibiu airport, once-...if you get there.

The voice waits a couple of seconds, and then sighs and whispers,

“I am begging you, Sargeant Barnes. And I wish you the best of luck.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> It's my first time writing Bucky's PoV, and I tried to do him justice. Hope you like it, and please, please let me know in the comments what you think! Would you like more one-shots showing a little bit more of the story outside from Anya's PoV?  
> Thank you, and I hope you liked it!  
> Love, Luce


End file.
